Sloppy Jos with the Lumberjanes in The Shire

(to skip all this and just watch the videos, scroll down to the bottom.) 

Lumberjanes had quickly become the issue I eagerly awaited on a monthly basis. I wanted it to be in my box every time I went to the comic shop.  I shared this with Claire and Kate, who fell just as hard as I did.   We would have to pay homage.  This would happen somehow.

Lumberjanes is written by Noelle Stevenson and Grace Ellis. The art is by Brooke Allen, and the lettering by Aubrey Aiese.

I love everything about this comic.  I love that it’s new, and it’s an easy place to start if you’re new to comics.  There isn’t 50 years of story to catch up on.  It’s not gory and full of nudity or violence or bad language.  It’s fun, lighthearted, and has an amazing art, flow, and story to back it up.

Boom! Studios puts this comic out.  For those of you who are new to comics, you’ll find that this studio typically puts out comics for the younger people (and young at heart.) They also do licensed work like Adventure Time . (Licensed means that it was a TV show or a movie before it became a comic book.)

Synopsis: Five best friends go to summer camp in a forest they soon discover is full of dangerous mythical creatures, all of which seem intent to destroy the Lumberjanes.  They stick together and show repeatedly that if you work together, you can accomplish anything.

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While the forest at my home is not full of creatures trying to kill us, you wouldn’t know it based on the way the day went.

The sun crested the cascade mountains at my home, a property way up in the hills outside of Portland, dubbed “The Shire.”   Ducks peacefully roam with chickens, a pack of dogs patrol the perimeter awaiting guests to arrive and provide treats.

It was the day of our very first Print Julep web shoot.

Kate catches up on Lumberjanes, while we prep and dance to the Lumberjanes Cave Mix on Spotify.

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Claire and Kate arrived with the food.  I was put in charge of the technology. (Mistake #1.)  I think now is as good of a time as any to tell you:

WE HAVE NEVER FILMED ANYTHING EVER.

I mean, how hard can it be right?(read that in a Russian accent for full effect)  You turn on camera, you take moving picture like famous director and then, boom. You win Oscar statue. (still Russian.)  No problem.

-end Russian accent-

Claire and I had spent the day before prepping for the day’s activities.  Along with cooking fantastic Lumberjanes inspired meals, we’d be making a cocktail, as well as other festivities.

Shooting the junk out of an evil Red Raptor may or may not have been one of them…

Compound bow and coffee 10704017_950747881619152_1795885515940224103_n 10294338_950747914952482_6299616775156747942_n

We felt fairly confident that we had done what we needed to do in order to shoot a successful, awesome, PERFECT and PROFESSIONAL first Webisode.

hahahahaHAHAHA.

ha.

HA.

Among many issues, Claire got cripplingly painful shin splints within the first hour or so of the day.  Because I have chronic back pain from my days in the Rodeo (absolutely serious about that, by the way. I’ll show you pictures one day) I happen to have prescription strength pain killers at my disposal always.  I gave two to  Claire to ease her pain-  which they did.   However, I didn’t realize she never takes pills, so not only did they kill her shin splints, they put her on a magical roller coaster that lasted alllll day.   We did this about three weeks ago, just so you know- the shin splints have NEVER come back.

Issue two-  we filmed half of our footage out of focus.

Issue three-  I had no idea how to work the microphones we borrowed.

So, to recap, Claire was high, Kate got drunk, I had no idea what we were doing, I could NOT stop dancing to that catchy Lumberjanes Cave Mix on Spotify, and 95% of our footage turned out like Raptor poo.

Kate not only managed to lose most of the arrows, she also nearly killed one of my chickens.  (absolutely serious about that too. We have footage, and it’s in focus, crazy enough.)  Which is bananas, because the arrows shouldn’t have gone anywhere near the chickens. I later realized Kate was left-handed, shooting my right-handed bow, and aiming with her left eye.  It explained why arrows were flying completely the wrong way. Many of which are still missing to this day.

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My ducks may have also been traumatized by being chased by a buzzed and accidentally high Claire and Kate.

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At the end of the day, we survived.  My chickens survived. My ducks survived. Our pride-  perhaps not so much.

But hey! Whatever! We had some amazing food, awesome cocktails, and a day we will never forget with rad friends who are crazy enough to think this was a good idea.  We stuck together, and awesome things happened.  I’d say it was a successful mission in the name of the Lumberjanes.

Friendship to the Max!

RECIPES

Sloppy (Lumberjane) Jo

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YOU WILL NEED:

1.5 Lb of 20% fat Ground Beef

4 Chopped Tomatoes

1 Chopped Whole Yellow Onion

Tomato Paste

Dijon Mustard

Spice Mix Containing:

2 Tbsp Brown Sugar

1 tsp Garlic Powder

1 tsp Onion Powder

1 tsp Cayenne Pepper

1/2 tsp Salt

1/2 tsp Pepper

HOW TO:

Start by browning your ground beef in a large pan and taking a bit of the fat out of it.  Do this on MEDIUM heat, to allow the juices to incorporate evenly with the meat.

Once the beef is browned and cooked, take it out of the pan and put it in a bowl, but leave the grease and fat in the pan.

Put your chopped onions in the same pan you browned your beef in. stir them around a bit on MEDIUM heat, then add your spice mix. Give it a minute or so to cook together.

Next, add your chopped tomatoes and let this cook down. All the juice and water from the tomatoes will let this cook down to a nice sauce.   When the tomatoes are pretty softened and you get a warm, more liquid-ish, softer saucy texture, add your ground beef back in.

While your sauce is cooking down. put some butter and garlic on your buns (hehehe) and put them in the oven on a lower heat setting, just to warm them up and toast them a bit.

Add about a tablespoon of dijon mustard, and about three tablespoons of tomato paste.

Stir it all up together and make sure it’s all warm.

Pull your buns out of the oven, and plat’em up with the Sloppy Jos.

In the name of Joan Jett- THAT’S what’s going on.

S’mores Cocktail (aka: Challis Ambrosia to the Kitten Holy)

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YOU WILL NEED:

Smaller/medium sized cup

1 oz Coffee Rum. (we used Below Deck Coffee Rum from East Side Distilling.)

1 Chocolate bar. (we used Woodblock Chocolate from Portland.)

Coconut milk. (or regular milk if you’re not lactose intolerant like Chelsea.) (Please don’t ask about the milkshake incident.)

Crushed Graham crackers on a small plate

Marshmallows

HOW TO:

Melt down the chocolate in a pot on the stove. Use a medium heat to avoid burning the chocolate. Add in the amount of milk you want for the intensity of the chocolate. If you want it to be richer in chocolate, add less milk. If you want it to be not as chocolatey and more coffee-ish from the rum, add more milk.

When your hot cocoa mix is ready, take your cup, hold it from the bottom, flip it upside down, and dip just the rim in the hot cocoa.

Then, dip the rim in the piled crushed graham cracker on the plate. The crumbs from the graham cracker will stick to the chocolatey rim.

Next, pour about 1 oz (or more) of Coffee Rum into the cup.

Fill almost the rest of the way to the top with the hot chocolate.

Roast your marshmallow, and when it is ready and super soft (or on fire, or burned) plop it in the top and stir it in to your cocktail.

I can only imagine what would happen if Ripley had one of these.

And finally, if you’d like to actually watch the video that is cautionary tale lore for those of you who think Webcasting is a piece of cake… by all means, here it is.    We just consider the fact that it’s very representative of us.  A little rough around the edges, but it gets the point across.

Here’s our first ever video where we give you a tutorial on how to make those magical Sloppy Jos, and then talk about how much we love the book. Excuse the long intro- we’ll consider it a formal introduction.  Hey world! Nice to meet you!

And here’s where we show you how to make that S’mores Cocktail!

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Foragers Feast with the Rat Queens

Rat Queens Dinner with Print Julep
Rat Queens Dinner with Print Julep.

Have you read Image’s Rat Queens?  Well, you SHOULD.

  This brilliant Dungeons & Dragons inspired story is brought to you by Kurtis J. Wiebe, with art by Roc Upchurch.  It’s chock full of powerhouse ladies, focusing on the four main characters of a hard partying clan of Lady Adventurers, dubbed the Rat Queens.  We have Hannah, the Rockabilly Elven Mage who is a Necromancer and leader of the Rat Queens.  Violet, the hipster Dwarven Warrior who shaved her beard before it was cool.  Dee the human atheist whose family dynamic is steeped in Cthulu-esque dogma, and Betty, the hippie Halfling thief who basically lives off drugs n’ candy.

After reading this treasure, I highly recommend inviting your girlfriends over and making an experience of reading and discussing (or reenacting) it after a few Betty cocktails and a cask of wine while wielding your friend’s katana she received as a birthday gift from her husband… just a suggestion…

I also humbly suggest you break out ALL THE WINE, and cook yourself and your Campaign companions a mighty Foragers Feast to sustain you for the journey you are about to take.

In honor of Betty, we threw together a nasty tasting cocktail that is sure to get you sky high, or at least higher than the three feet of this rambunctious addict. As instructed at the beginning of the book, tequila, vodka, and some magic mushrooms. Throw them together and you get ‘The Betty.’

"Tequila, Vodka, and two magic mushrooms. They call it The Betty."
“Tequila, Vodka, and two magic mushrooms. They call it The Betty.”

I know what you’re thinking. “That cocktail sounds kinda not good.”    You are partially right.

It is beyond terrible. However, this is only if you’re thinking about how it tastes. Every rowdy adventurer knows that alcohol isn’t all about the taste.  So if you’re grading it on how how well it does its job, I’d say on a scale of 1-5, this gets a 3.5.  Basically, the speed in which you down it to avoid the taste, combined with an empty stomach, and a yearning for battle, this gets you in a good place fast.    It also ensures that if you completely fail at the cooking part of things, no matter how bad your steak is, it cannot be worse than this drink.

What do you find in a Foragers Feast? Unfortunately, we weren’t able to pull together a dinner made of drugs and candy.

Betty is awesome, but don't leave the cooking to her.
Betty is awesome, but don’t leave the cooking to her.

Kate had some Tylenol, and I found a mint in my pocket from my lunch at a Thai place. Sadly, no one thought it would quite do the trick.   It was collectively decided we would instead go for meat. Lots of it.   And since it’s September in the Pacific Northwest, and the atomic bomb of harvested produce has been dropped, we scrounged our gardens, we MAY have scavenged some of our neighbors gardens (hey, it’s a FORAGERS’ Feast after all!) and yielded this amazing spread fit for any guild of rowdy adventurers.

Make sure to start out hungry, and steal most of your ingredients.
Make sure to start out hungry, and steal most of your ingredients.  By ‘steal’ I mean buy.  Buy them the same way Betty does.

 (NOTE: Cook BEFORE you read Rat Queens! If you read before cooking, you may find the temptation of dangerously wielding kitchen knives a bit too much to resist. For the safety of those around you, and your pride, drink and read after dinner.) 

Next, decide what you’re going to do for dessert.

We decided to pay homage to the Peaches clan by baking a Peaches Pie.   If you start the pie before you make dinner, this will allow time for your dough to chill. This will also allow you to bake the pie while you eat dinner.

Peaches Pie, in memoriam.
Peaches Pie, in memoriam.

And now we tell you HOW to prepare that damn fine Foragers Feast!

Pay attention to Chef Claire’s recipe below, and lead your guild to SATISFACTION-TOWN.

Good shit.
Good shit.

Foragers Feast for Harvest Season

Serves 4-6 adventurers

Red meat. It’s one of the things that you DO want to buy responsibly.  We are avid fans of buying locally from farms in the area, using the entire animal, and not eating it all the time. For this dish, we used Painted Hills organic Beef and chose a flat iron steak.

Flat Irons are great because they have amazing flavor, great texture, and cook up quickly without losing juice and flavor. Also, you will find them to be much more affordable and easy to serve a group of people. Or dwarves.  Or Halflings. Or Mages.   We’re all inclusive here.  Figure on 5-6 ounces per member. Anything over that will give people the meat sweats and no one wants that.

Key things to know when cooking steak are:

1. As stated earlier, BUY LOCAL! Stay away from big box store meat. The flavor will be better, and you’re supporting your own community instead of a remote meat lot with questionable ethics. But mostly, it will taste more magical. 

2. Cook on medium high heat for a nice sear and medium rare interior

3.SEASON THE BEAST. Some people say nay to salt and pepper on steak, we feel it brings the natural juices and flavors out more for extra health and enjoyment points.  I put salt on everything, but in moderation.  Too much and it conjures a pain spell in the kidneys.

4. Make sure to let the meat rest before slicing and serving. This allows the juices to settle and the meat to finish cooking all the way through.  We may be Chaotically Evil, but we are not savages.

STEAMY STEAK.  STEAK PORN.
STEAMY STEAK. STEAK PORN.

VEGGIES:

Some people get excited all year for outdoor activities, we lose our D20’s over Chanterelle season.   If there were a magic mushroom that were legal in the USA, they would be Chanterelles.

The veggies we chose are all fresh and local right now. However, all of them could easily be swapped out for other tasty bits throughout the year.

Here’s what you will need to make the best unquestionably Good-Aligned meal ever, made to sustain your appetite for Goblin murder:

1 large cooking Pan with grill capability

4 Romaine lettuce heads

2 ears of corn

2 tomatoes

1 cucumber

1 avocado

1/4 cup minced red onion

2 cups chanterelle mushrooms

4 medium red potatoes

handful of basil

Olive oil

salt and pepper to taste

Dressing- mix all of the below in a blender until smooth and creamy. Bam. Caesar dressing.

1 egg

1/3 cup olive oil

1/3 cup canola oil

1 tsp anchovy paste or 2 whole anchovies

1/3 cup grated parmesan

1 tsp each salt and pepper

juice of one lemon

Also, break out ALL THE WINE.
Also, break out ALL THE WINE.

As you finish preparing each of the following vegetables, place in a serving bowl and set on the table. This is kind of a gourmet build your own salad bar, so no fancy plating necessary.

Corn: husk and clean the corn. After all the whiskers are removed, use a sharp knife and cut the kernels away from the base.

Mushrooms: the chanterelles are super easy to clean up with a paper towel. You then peel the mushrooms apart rather than chopping them, so that they form strips of mushrooms.

Sautee both corn and chanterelles in a pan with olive oil, salt, pepper, and about 1/3 cup of water until the kernels are cooked all the way through. (about 7 minutes)

Potatoes: cut into equal sized half inch cubes, place in a pot, fill with water, then bring to a boil until potatoes are completely cooked. Drain the water, put the potatoes back in the pan, and adda tablespoon of olive oil, salt and pepper, and chopped fresh basil.

Cucumbers, tomato, red onion, and avocado: dice up and throw in a bowl together to form a rough salsa, then set aside.

Romaine: Wash and then split down the middle, lightly coat with olive oil. Cook on medium high heat grill pan for 3-4 minutes on each side, then set on serving platter. Drizzle Caesar dressing over the top.

Steak: season with a light dusting of salt, pepper, cumin, garlic powder, and curry powder (You do not really need anything outside of the salt and pepper, but I like the flavors of the other spices) then throw on your grill pan on medium high for 4 minutes on each side to sear and then 4 minutes on each side again to give cross hatched grill marks. This should make your steak medium rare. Take off of grill and let rest on a cutting board for five minutes before slicing into strips and placing on a serving platter.

At this point, I just step aside and let everyone have at it. It’s a great family style meal and can be bastardized to use any seasonal veggie. If you like beets, put beets up in there. If you like goat cheese, crumble some of that sweet stuff of top. If you really want bacon or caramelized onion, I am not going to stop you. In fact, I would insist on an invite.

Check out that presentation.
Check out that presentation.

Peaches Pie

5-6 White peaches sliced

2 tsp cinnamon

1 tsp salt

1/2 tsp ginger

1/2 tsp cloves

1/2 cup sugar

2 Tbs cornstarch

Toss together in a bowl and mix up until everything is coated

Dough:

1 1/2 sticks of unsalted butter

3 cups flour

2 Tbs sugar

1 tsp salt

1 Tbs apple cider vinegar

1/2 cup water +more if needed

Combine dry ingredients in a bowl with butter until everything is fully incorporated and no chunks of butter remain. pour liquids in slowly, folding in with a spatula. When dough starts to form, turn out onto countertop, using plenty of four, and form into two discs to refrigerate for 1-2 hours.

Once chilled, take out and start rolling out the dough for base of the pie using plenty of flour.

Make sure to shrink the dough down and tuck it into the dish so that it does not shrink while baking.

Pour filling into the shell and let settle into all the nooks and crannies. Roll out second disc and cover the top of the peach mixture. Pinch the edges of the pie to seal, egg wash the top and dust in a light coating of sugar, then bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour and 15 minutes, or until filling starts bubbling out. I highly recommend Cinnamon Snickerdoodle or honey lavender ice cream from Salt and Straw to pair with a warm slice.

Lavender Honey ice cream from Salt & Straw
Lavender Honey ice cream from Salt & Straw. Because we’re pretentious Portlanders.

Thanks for joining us for our Rat Queens dinner!

Tune in next time for our LumberJanes campout at the Shire!

Cheers!

-Chelsea Ann & Claire

Hungry adventurers. Cheers!
Hungry adventurers. Cheers!

For more photos, check out our Rat Queens Gallery!

New episodes Coming!

Look for links to our web series the last week of September. There will be cocktails, recipes, and special guests from throughout the industry, as well as appearances by Portland restauranteurs, bartenders, and artisans who all have an affinity for a well mixed drink and a well done comic.

More posts will be up with teasers and some of our favorite drinks!

-Print Julep Crew

Comixin' Cocktails. Step 1. Read Comic. Step 2. Throw Dinner Party. Step 3. Randomly invite a someone who works in the Comics Industry to get fed the foods and drink the drinks. Step 4. ? Step 5. Blog & Video.