We haven’t been in a coma. We were not kidnapped by angry Alberta hipsters and taken to a seminar on repsonsible recycling and gluten free practices for the lowest environmental impact. We were not hit by a naked bicyclist.
Also, even though Print Julep didn’t film in January, it didn’t stop us from livin’ the Comics Dream- and by that we mean “working really, really, really hard on awesome things with no money coming in because that is the reality of an artistic choice in profession in the United States.”
While we were drowning in other projects, we did manage to film a Holiday Episode that detailed how to make a Naughty Nog. No books were reviewed for our holiday episode, but in celebration of our Local Comic Shop getting a newer/bigger location, we made a gingerbread Comic Shop (Print Julep Style) because that’s how we roll.
If you don’t want to sit through another horribly produced video on how to make this naughty nog, (complete with tips on how to pass the time while the mix cools in the fridge) here is a recipe breakdown of how to make the Naughty Nog…so you don’t have to wait for the the drag of the holidays to try to be artisinal n’ shit.
YOU WILL NEED:
4 eggs separated yolks and whites
1 cup heavy cream
2 cups milk
1/3 cup sugar +1 tablespoon
1 teaspoon freshly ground nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon cardamom
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
4 oz Bourbon
Start by heating the milk and heavy cream in a sauce pan until simmering around the edges and just barely boiling.
While the milk mixture heats, beat the egg yolks and sugar until they lighten in color and double in size.
Set the egg whites aside in the fridge to use later.
Temper the eggs with the hot milk mixture by slowly pouring it in while the eggs are whipping. It should take about 30 seconds to a minute to fully incorporate.
*When fully incorporated, there is a thick foam layer that will form from being whipped. It will dissolve as you stir over heat*
Place the mixture into a heavy bottom sauce pan, Add nutmeg, Cinnamon, and cardamom. Heat on medium-high, stirring frequently, until mixture reaches 160 degrees and thickens slightly.
Take off from heat and pour into a glass bowl.
Add 4 oz of the most delicious Bourbon you can think of.
We used Whippersnapper because of the sweet yet balanced taste.
Stir until combined and then cool in the refrigerator for about 2 hours.
When mixture is completely cooled, take egg whites out and begin whipping them until they start foaming slightly.
Add 1 Tablespoon of sugar and then beat until stiff peaks form. Using a large whisk, fold egg whites into the egg yolk custard until combined.
(The amount of times ‘beat’ is used in this recipe is difficult to resist added jokes. Please admire my restraint.)
Pour in a pitcher and get shit faced.
Did you get a really good idea of how to pour this shit into a really cute, holiday themed, Pinterest worthy pitcher? Did you? Because I wanted to make sure as I took the photos that this could apply to those who might not know how to do that. I really hope that condescendingly (yet beautifully photographed) tutorial above was helpful to someone.
Now. Here’s a tutorial on how to do the last step.
Did you just get a little sick to your stomach because of how ridiculously sweet and cute that just was?
Do you feel all warm with the holiday spirit(s)?
Are you inspired to put up a calendar in your house with a countdown to the holidays now, and start planning a party (in February) for the holiday party you’re gonna throw where you can make that super badass egg nog that is chock full of liquor and happiness and party-foul potential?
Here’s what happens after you help yourself to a few of those delicious treats in a cute glass. (other than getting fat. That happens.)
You make a cheap ass Gingerbread house. And you use an anti-depressant to dot the ‘i’ because Seasonal Defective Disorder..because PORTLAND IN DECEMBER.
Then you start making Dick in a Box jokes.
Then you start feeling all artistic and worth something, so you take really nice photos of holiday things around the house that reflect your “unique nerdy style.”
So that last one doesn’t reflect my unique nerdy style…but it was an absolutely beautiful steak that Claire made for dinner, and by that time, I was seriously ready for some dinner. And then I was like “Wow. Look at that steak. That is a thing of beauty.” Right after I looked around to make sure no one saw my drool on my shirt, I had a photo shoot with it and talked to it like a playboy model. And then I ate it.
That’s the story of the steak photo.
We spent the rest of the night doing gingerbread stuff and laughing and enjoying the fruits of our labor…with every intention of putting a blog up about it BEFORE FEBRUARY. But sometimes we fail in life. And sometimes, especially in Portland, people fail a lot and do it very stylishly and then turn it into a career. So we’re just gonna own that for right now, k?
Here’s some more pictures.
I’m on a roll. Maybe I’ll post January’s blog in February. Things are improving. (DO NOT DISAGREE WITH ME, I HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM.)
Cheers! Awesome things to come in 2015, we promise!
Have you read Image’s Rat Queens? Well, you SHOULD.
This brilliant Dungeons & Dragons inspired story is brought to you by Kurtis J. Wiebe, with art by Roc Upchurch.It’s chock full of powerhouse ladies, focusing on the four main characters of a hard partying clan of Lady Adventurers, dubbed the Rat Queens.We have Hannah, the Rockabilly Elven Mage who is a Necromancer and leader of the Rat Queens.Violet, the hipster Dwarven Warrior who shaved her beard before it was cool.Dee the human atheist whose family dynamic is steeped in Cthulu-esque dogma, and Betty, the hippie Halfling thief who basically lives off drugs n’ candy.
After reading this treasure, I highly recommend inviting your girlfriends over and making an experience of reading and discussing (or reenacting) it after a few Betty cocktails and a cask of wine while wielding your friend’s katana she received as a birthday gift from her husband… just a suggestion…
I also humbly suggest you break out ALL THE WINE, and cook yourself and your Campaign companions a mighty Foragers Feast to sustain you for the journey you are about to take.
In honor of Betty, we threw together a nasty tasting cocktail that is sure to get you sky high, or at least higher than the three feet of this rambunctious addict. As instructed at the beginning of the book, tequila, vodka, and some magic mushrooms. Throw them together and you get ‘The Betty.’
I know what you’re thinking. “That cocktail sounds kinda not good.” You are partially right.
It is beyond terrible. However, this is only if you’re thinking about how it tastes. Every rowdy adventurer knows that alcohol isn’t all about the taste. So if you’re grading it on how how well it does its job, I’d say on a scale of 1-5, this gets a 3.5. Basically, the speed in which you down it to avoid the taste, combined with an empty stomach, and a yearning for battle, this gets you in a good place fast. It also ensures that if you completely fail at the cooking part of things, no matter how bad your steak is, it cannot be worse than this drink.
What do you find in a Foragers Feast? Unfortunately, we weren’t able to pull together a dinner made of drugs and candy.
Kate had some Tylenol, and I found a mint in my pocket from my lunch at a Thai place. Sadly, no one thought it would quite do the trick. It was collectively decided we would instead go for meat. Lots of it. And since it’s September in the Pacific Northwest, and the atomic bomb of harvested produce has been dropped, we scrounged our gardens, we MAY have scavenged some of our neighbors gardens (hey, it’s a FORAGERS’ Feast after all!) and yielded this amazing spread fit for any guild of rowdy adventurers.
(NOTE: Cook BEFORE you read Rat Queens! If you read before cooking, you may find the temptation of dangerously wielding kitchen knives a bit too much to resist. For the safety of those around you, and your pride, drink and read after dinner.)
Next, decide what you’re going to do for dessert.
We decided to pay homage to the Peaches clan by baking a Peaches Pie. If you start the pie before you make dinner, this will allow time for your dough to chill. This will also allow you to bake the pie while you eat dinner.
And now we tell you HOW to prepare that damn fine Foragers Feast!
Pay attention to Chef Claire’s recipe below, and lead your guild to SATISFACTION-TOWN.
Foragers Feast for Harvest Season
Serves 4-6 adventurers
Red meat. It’s one of the things that you DO want to buy responsibly.We are avid fans of buying locally from farms in the area, using the entire animal, and not eating it all the time. For this dish, we used Painted Hills organic Beef and chose a flat iron steak.
Flat Irons are great because they have amazing flavor, great texture, and cook up quickly without losing juice and flavor. Also, you will find them to be much more affordable and easy to serve a group of people. Or dwarves.Or Halflings. Or Mages. We’re all inclusive here. Figure on 5-6 ounces per member. Anything over that will give people the meat sweats and no one wants that.
Key things to know when cooking steak are:
1. As stated earlier, BUY LOCAL! Stay away from big box store meat. The flavor will be better, and you’re supporting your own community instead of a remote meat lot with questionable ethics. But mostly, it will taste more magical.
2. Cook on medium high heat for a nice sear and medium rare interior
3.SEASON THE BEAST. Some people say nay to salt and pepper on steak, we feel it brings the natural juices and flavors out more for extra health and enjoyment points. I put salt on everything, but in moderation. Too much and it conjures a pain spell in the kidneys.
4. Make sure to let the meat rest before slicing and serving. This allows the juices to settle and the meat to finish cooking all the way through. We may be Chaotically Evil, but we are not savages.
Some people getexcited all year for outdoor activities, we lose our D20’s over Chanterelle season. If there were a magic mushroom that were legal in the USA, they would be Chanterelles.
The veggies we chose are all fresh and local right now. However, all of them could easily be swapped out for other tasty bits throughout the year.
Here’s what you will need to make the best unquestionably Good-Aligned meal ever, made to sustain your appetite for Goblin murder:
1 large cooking Pan with grill capability
4 Romaine lettuce heads
2 ears of corn
1/4 cup minced red onion
2 cups chanterelle mushrooms
4 medium red potatoes
handful of basil
salt and pepper to taste
Dressing- mix all of the below in a blender until smooth and creamy. Bam. Caesar dressing.
1/3 cup olive oil
1/3 cup canola oil
1 tsp anchovy paste or 2 whole anchovies
1/3 cup grated parmesan
1 tsp each salt and pepper
juice of one lemon
As you finish preparing each of the following vegetables, place in a serving bowl and set on the table. This is kind of a gourmet build your own salad bar, so no fancy plating necessary.
Corn: husk and clean the corn. After all the whiskers are removed, use a sharp knife and cut the kernels away from the base.
Mushrooms: the chanterelles are super easy to clean up with a paper towel. You then peel the mushrooms apart rather than chopping them, so that they form strips of mushrooms.
Sautee both corn and chanterelles in a pan with olive oil, salt, pepper, and about 1/3 cup of water until the kernels are cooked all the way through. (about 7 minutes)
Potatoes: cut into equal sized half inch cubes, place in a pot, fill with water, then bring to a boil until potatoes are completely cooked. Drain the water, put the potatoes back in the pan, and adda tablespoon of olive oil, salt and pepper, and chopped fresh basil.
Cucumbers, tomato, red onion, and avocado: dice up and throw in a bowl together to form a rough salsa, then set aside.
Romaine: Wash and then split down the middle, lightly coat with olive oil. Cook on medium high heat grill pan for 3-4 minutes on each side, then set on serving platter. Drizzle Caesar dressing over the top.
Steak: season with a light dusting of salt, pepper, cumin, garlic powder, and curry powder (You do not really need anything outside of the salt and pepper, but I like the flavors of the other spices) then throw on your grill pan on medium high for 4 minutes on each side to sear and then 4 minutes on each side again to give cross hatched grill marks. This should make your steak medium rare. Take off of grill and let rest on a cutting board for five minutes before slicing into strips and placing on a serving platter.
At this point, I just step aside and let everyone have at it. It’s a great family style meal and can be bastardized to use any seasonal veggie. If you like beets, put beets up in there. If you like goat cheese, crumble some of that sweet stuff of top. If you really want bacon or caramelized onion, I am not going to stop you. In fact, I would insist on an invite.
5-6 White peaches sliced
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp ginger
1/2 tsp cloves
1/2 cup sugar
2 Tbs cornstarch
Toss together in a bowl and mix up until everything is coated
1 1/2 sticks of unsalted butter
3 cups flour
2 Tbs sugar
1 tsp salt
1 Tbs apple cider vinegar
1/2 cup water +more if needed
Combine dry ingredients in a bowl with butter until everything is fully incorporated and no chunks of butter remain. pour liquids in slowly, folding in with a spatula. When dough starts to form, turn out onto countertop, using plenty of four, and form into two discs to refrigerate for 1-2 hours.
Once chilled, take out and start rolling out the dough for base of the pie using plenty of flour.
Make sure to shrink the dough down and tuck it into the dish so that it does not shrink while baking.
Pour filling into the shell and let settle into all the nooks and crannies. Roll out second disc and cover the top of the peach mixture. Pinch the edges of the pie to seal, egg wash the top and dust in a light coating of sugar, then bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour and 15 minutes, or until filling starts bubbling out. I highly recommend Cinnamon Snickerdoodle or honey lavender ice cream from Salt and Straw to pair with a warm slice.
Thanks for joining us for our Rat Queens dinner!
Tune in next time for our LumberJanes campout at the Shire!
-Chelsea Ann & Claire
For more photos, check out our Rat Queens Gallery!
Comixin' Cocktails. Step 1. Read Comic. Step 2. Throw Dinner Party. Step 3. Randomly invite a someone who works in the Comics Industry to get fed the foods and drink the drinks. Step 4. ? Step 5. Blog & Video.